Understanding Trials

Last Wednesday (May 11th) as I watched Jordyn leave in a helicopter my heart was breaking. I wondered how long it would take us to get to her. I wondered how sick she really was. I wondered how much money all of this was going to cost. I wondered if she was scared, if she would remember anything, how soon she would get better. Mostly, I wondered why I wasn't as scared as I thought I should be. I was nervous and worried and anxious...but I was also calm somehow. It was overwhelming, this feeling of comfort. I knew everything was going to be okay.

Each day in the hospital was full of a million different emotions. Sometimes I was mad, and sometimes I took that anger out on Jason. I cried. I was tired. I wanted to take Jordyn's place. Here she is with one of the doctors.

After 5 nights in the PICU we finally got moved to the CMU (Children's Medical Unit). The entire day I was smiling. Jason and I went to grab dinner and I was so happy. It was a great big step in the right direction. We knew the end was near. It was a nice feeling. And yet, I often thought about all of those kids in the hospital who didn't know when they were leaving. I felt so lucky, and again, I felt that comforting peace.Time flew. Jordyn started feeling so much better. Daddy surprised her with new jammies.Jordyn had visitors. Her friend, Ryann, came up. Jordyn loved it!And finally she got to see Tessa. They were so cute together. I was happy watching them play and tease each other. And then today, they let us come home.I love this picture. She looks so happy, and healthy.We only had a "baby car seat" in the car...which she is too big for, but it worked out great. Driving away from that place was awesome!I'm not exactly sure why our little family had to experience all of this. I know that we've grown and changed and learned new things about ourselves. I fell more in love with Jason. He was calm and strong. He comforted me in the hard times and kept me from exploding more than once. I learned more about myself. I felt a deeper love and appreciation for motherhood. I'm not sure what I would do without my beautiful little girls. My testimony grew. I have never felt so much peace, comfort, and love. I mean, I knew that the Savior loved me...and my family, but I didn't know how much. Maybe I still don't. I just know that trials help us grow. They bring us closer together. They push us to be better people...more compassionate, more grateful, more understanding, more kind, more humble. Everyday we change. Trials help us become the people that our Heavenly Father needs us to be.